10 mistakes highly sensitive people make

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you might be more than familiar with these 10 common mistakes (I know I certainly am! Some of them I keep doing on a daily basis despite my best efforts!).

Everyone makes mistakes, but the thing with these mistakes is that they are costing us a lot as HSPs. They are definitely NOT helping us to reduce overwhelm and balance our sensitive nervous system, or to set us up for a life where we can thrive as sensitive people in this chaotic world filled with sensory overload.

10 common mistakes we make as HSPs:

1) Not setting enough time aside to recharge alone

Having enough alone time is CRITICAL for HSPs. It is not really just a “nice to have” luxury, but something we need to properly reset our nervous systems and feel truly recharged.

Especially if we have busy lives and are in contact with many people every day, we can easily finish our days feeling totally drained and depleted.

Setting aside mini breaks during the day is important - maybe it’s a walk outside around the office, maybe it’s tuning into your favourite podcast or book for 10 minutes. Whatever quality alone time looks like for you, make sure you make time to consistently practise it.

2) Overthinking and ruminating

HSPs have a tendency to overthink, overanalyse and ruminate on past events and happenings. This is because of our internal depth of processing - we cannot easily just “switch off” our thinking and analysing mind.

Switching off our internal chatter is difficult for almost everyone (unless you’re a seasoned meditator, and even then it is often difficult), but it’s especially hard for those with the HSP trait. Our minds are generally flooded with all sorts of thoughts and scenarios - of things that have happened or something we are worrying about in the future that hasn’t even happened yet.

There is no easy fix for this, except to accept the way our mind functions with loving kindness and awareness, and to consciously practise mindfulness and meditation techniques that help us quiet down the mind and all the unnecessary self-criticism and ruminating we often fall into.

3) Apologising for your sensitivity

This is just something we NEED to STOP doing! I know it’s not easy because we live in a society that rewards “tough” behaviour and the “go-getter” mentality that doesn’t leave a lot of space for sensitivity. It’s also because live in patriarchal societies where sensitivity is associated with “femininity” which is given less value than traits that are considered “masculine” (i.e. toughness, assertiveness, action-orientedness).

Even if the world is not made for HSPs, we need to learn ways to embrace our sensitivity as the gift that it truly is. And definitely stop apologising for this trait. It is who you are, you were born as a HSP! And the world needs more sensitive souls like you to make this place a more kind, empathetic space for everyone.

4) Apologising for everything else

Highly sensitive people often apologise for many things - often things that are in no way their fault or caused by them. We apologise when we (almost) bump into someone in the grocery store, when we need to set boundaries, when we get emotional or feel deeply about something and when we voice our opinion about something and already pre-think that people will be upset.

We do this because we feel everything deeply and often worry if others are hurt or how they perceive things. Actually: we are managing other people’s reactions and emotions CONSTANTLY which can easily get draining and result in us burning out.

Remember: it is not your responsibility to manage other people’s emotions or the way they react to things. You are in charge of what you do and how you show up in this world, but everyone is responsible for how they react and respond for themselves.

5) Not setting clear boundaries

This links with the previous mistake of over-apologising for everything. As HSPs, drawing clear and healthy boundaries can be difficult. We really want to please everyone around us and make sure nobody is upset by us - we definitely don’t want to rock the boat in any way.

The HSP people-pleasing habits often mean that we feel bad for saying “no” to others. This can show up even in very small ways, like saying yes to a dinner invite when you’d rather just be cocooned under a blanket at home with a bowl of crisps and Netflix. Or taking on too many responsibilities at work because your boss is asking you to do more, even if you are already swamped and drowning in deadlines.

We often go out of our way to make sure that people around us are happy and satisfied, even if it sometimes costs us our own energy and happiness. Boundary setting is not easy, but it’s something we NEED as HSPs to feel good in our bodies and lives.

Think of boundary setting on different levels in your life: what boundaries do you need to better protect your energy? Your time and commitments? Your physical health and well-being? What boundaries might you need with your loved ones, family or colleagues? Make a list of all the ways in which you are currently feeling like you are not “allowed” to say no or where you feel you are just overburdening yourself and putting others ahead of your own needs.

Also: boundary setting does not need to be somehow negative - this comes from a kind, loving place towards others but also towards yourself. It’s all about how we communicate and enforce our boundaries.

6) Overbooking our calendar

Again, links heavily to number 5! Many of these HSPs mistakes and habits are generally intertwined.

Try to see how you could create more space in your calendar for clean rest. This means actually BOOKING in time for you to rest and recharge and let your nervous system reset. Clean rest is the kind of rest that does not have to be in any way “productive” or useful. It is your time to do whatever it is you want.

Learning to manage your time and calendar, and saying no to people, events and things and tuning in better to your own needs with self-compassion all go hand-in-hand.

7) Not getting enough sleep

This is probably one of the biggest mistakes we can make as highly sensitive persons! Getting enough sleep is important for everyone, but it is especially important for HSPs.

Because our nervous systems are constantly overstimulated and we are processing stimuli on a deeper level than non-HSPs, our bodies also NEED more rest and sleep to properly reset and restore balance.

For me, my ideal sleep time is 8 hours or more. If I sleep less than that, I will feel it and regret it the next day.

Tune into your body to see what is your ideal sleep schedule and try to stick with it. If you’re having difficulties falling sleep (like I sometimes have because my HSP mind is racing all over the places past and future), try to practise some gentle yin yoga before going to bed, listening to a podcast with someone with a soothing voice or reading your favourite book. Sleep meditations also work wonders!

8) Forgetting your noise-cancelling headphones at home

Nope! Just nope! Can’t live without my proper headphones. They serve three purposes: to muffle out any annoying sounds around me, to listen to my podcasts or audiobooks or to just wear them so that other people will leave me alone when I just want to mind my own business. This is basically how I survived working in an open plan office (horror!) for two years. Such a multitool!

My headphones broke when they got too much water sprayed on them on a boat in the Galapagos Islands a few months ago, and let me tell you that this was NOT IDEAL. I had to travel for weeks without proper headphones and I would not recommend this experience to any HSP.

9) Soaking in too much external stimulation

This easily happens when we are not mindful about protecting our energy. As HSPs, we are already highly sensitive to picking up on other people’s energies and absorbing their emotions. On top of that, our sensory processing sensitivity means that we are extremely sensitive to stimuli such as bring lights, loud sounds, noises and coarse fabrics.

This is why we need to be extra careful about minimizing external stimuli overload as much as we possibly can. This means, for example, being mindful of the kind of media we consume and reducing mindless social media scrolling. Maybe switching notifications off from our phones and finding quiet spaces to retreat to every once in a while. Sometimes it can be as simple as just closing our eyes - did you know that 80% of our brain stimulation comes in through the eyes?

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and just allow yourself to switch off for a moment when everything seems to be getting too overwhelming or just too much.

10) Prioritising others over ourselves

Many highly sensitive people find it hard to prioritize self-care. We somehow think it’s frivolous or selfish to focus on ourselves and care for ourselves. But as HSPs, we NEED to focus deliberately on setting up proper self-care habits and practices.

This looks different for everyone: self-care doesn’t need to be about face masks or bubble baths (although these are great!). It can be anything that helps you come back to yourself, to connect your mind and your body and to allow yourself to breathe for a moment, in silence, away from everyone else’s expectations. Try this yin yoga class or practise this simple yogic breathing technique and see what shifts in you.

Because we want to be many things for other people and help everyone out constantly, we often do that at our own expense, by neglecting our needs and prioritising others. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s mandatory. And when we have powerful self-care practices that support our wellbeing as HSPs, we are also able to do more for others and be more present in everything going on in our lives.

That’s it - these are the 10 main mistakes I often keep making as a HSP. Let me know if there are some that I’ve missed!

The point is not to be “perfect” and never mess up by doing some of these things - it’s to acknowledge that these habits are not helping us thrive and feel the best versions of our sensitive selves. And to allow ourselves to mindfully make adjustments to our lives - from a place of full acceptance and kindness towards ourselves.